Am I Being Gaslighted? 15 Real Examples in Text Messages

If you're reading this, something already feels off. You've probably re-read the same conversations dozens of times trying to figure out if you're overreacting. You might have started apologizing for things you're not sure you did wrong.

Trust that feeling. The fact that you're here, searching for answers, is itself a signal.

Gaslighting is a word that gets used a lot, but it has a specific meaning. This article will show you exactly what it looks like in text messages — not in abstract terms, but in the actual words that show up on your screen.

What Gaslighting Actually Is

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone causes another person to question their own memory, perception, or reality.

The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband systematically manipulates his wife into believing she's going mad by subtly altering the environment and then denying any changes occurred.

In text conversations, gaslighting looks like this:

• —Flat denials of things that clearly happened
• —Challenging your memory of conversations or events
• —Reframing your emotional responses as evidence of instability
• —Turning your valid concerns into proof that you're the problem

The effect: over time, you stop trusting your own perception. You defer to them on what "really happened." You apologize automatically, reflexively, even when you're the one who was hurt.

15 Gaslighting Examples in Text Messages

1. Flat Denial

*"I never said that. I literally never said 8. You're making that up."*

The most basic form. Something you know happened is flatly denied.

2. "That Never Happened"

*"That never happened. I would never say that. You must have dreamed it."*

Not just "I didn't say it" but "that never happened." The implication is that the conversation didn't take place at all.

3. Challenging Your Memory

*"We did not talk about this on Sunday. I don't know where you're getting this from. Your memory is terrible."*

Now it's not just about the specific incident — it's about your memory in general. Over time, you start to doubt yourself preemptively.

4. "You're Too Sensitive"

*"Oh my god. I was joking. You're so sensitive. You need to relax."*

Your emotional response becomes the problem. Not the comment — your reaction to it.

5. "You're Overreacting"

*"You're completely overreacting. I don't understand why you make everything such a big deal."*

The message is that your feelings are disproportionate and therefore invalid.

6. "You're Imagining Things"

*"You're imagining things. Everything is fine. I don't know why you always do this."*

Not just denying specific incidents — now your general perception of the relationship is being questioned.

7. "You're Crazy"

*"You're genuinely being crazy right now. I can't deal with this. You need help."*

The most aggressive form. Not just "you're wrong" — you're mentally unstable. Often deployed when you've pushed back effectively and they can't find a factual rebuttal.

8. Reframing the Conversation Afterward

*"I can't believe you said those things to me last night."*
*You: "I was responding to what you said."*
*"I didn't say anything like that. You just went off. I was completely calm."*

The fight you remember happening one way is retroactively rewritten. You start to wonder if your memory of events is reliable.

9. Using Your Past Against You

*"You have a history of hearing what you want to hear. Remember when you completely misunderstood what happened with [past event]?"*

Bringing in your history of "getting things wrong" to undermine your current claim.

10. "Everyone Agrees With Me"

*"I talked to [friend] about this and they think you're being unreasonable too. It's not just me."*

Recruiting external validators to overwhelm your perception with numbers.

11. "You Always Do This"

*"You always create drama out of nothing. This is a pattern with you."*

Reframing a specific incident as evidence of a character flaw in you.

12. Questioning Your Perception of Tone

*"I was not being condescending. You always misread my tone."*

Your interpretation of how something was said — which you can't "prove" — is denied and attributed to a general failing in your perception.

13. Turning Your Concern Into an Attack

*"Wow. I was working. So now I'm not allowed to work? I'm really hurt by that accusation."*

You came with a feeling. You end up consoling them.

14. The Retroactive Rewrite

*"I said that because I was trying to help you. You always take things the worst possible way."*

Their original intent is reframed as generosity. Your hurt feelings are evidence of your inability to receive help.

15. "You're Being Paranoid"

*"You're paranoid. Everything is fine. You really need to work on your anxiety."*

Your instincts — which are, in fact, detecting something real — are pathologized as anxiety.

Why Gaslighting Is So Hard to Identify

The reason gaslighting is so effective is that it targets the mechanism you'd normally use to identify it: your own perception.

When someone systematically challenges your memory, your interpretation, your emotional responses, and your credibility over time, you can reach a state where you genuinely don't trust your own read of a situation. You start to defer to them as the arbiter of what "really" happened.

What to Do If You Recognize These Patterns

Document as you go. Screenshot conversations. Keep a journal with dates. Not to "catch" them — to anchor your own memory.

Talk to someone outside the relationship. Pick one trusted person who isn't friends with your partner. Read them some of the messages. Their reaction to the raw text is useful data.

Name what you're experiencing. The moment you have a word for it — gaslighting — you have some power back. There's a name for this, and there's a pattern.

Trust your original instinct. You came into this relationship with a functional sense of reality. If you've reached a point where you routinely doubt your own memory and perception, something happened to get you there.