Love Bombing vs. Genuine Affection: 12 Signs You're Being Love Bombed

It started like a dream.

They were obsessed with you. Texts all day. Plans every weekend. "I've never met anyone like you." They wanted to know everything about you, spend every moment with you, tell you they loved you before you'd known each other two months.

You'd never felt so chosen.

Then something shifted. The intensity dropped. The affection became unpredictable. You started doing things specifically to bring back that original feeling — walking on eggshells, apologizing more, trying to be the person they fell in love with.

What happened?

What Love Bombing Is

Love bombing is a manipulation tactic in which someone overwhelms their target with affection, attention, and intensity — far beyond what the relationship's actual duration or depth would warrant — in order to create rapid emotional dependency.

The term originates from cult indoctrination research. In romantic relationships, the same pattern appears: a flood of intensity early on that creates a deep emotional bond — and then, once the bond is established, withdrawal of that intensity as a control mechanism.

12 Signs You're Being Love Bombed

1. The Pace Felt Impossible to Keep Up With

"I love you" within weeks. Moving in after two months. Planning a future together when you barely knew each other's last names. If the relationship hit major milestones on a compressed timeline — with them pushing the pace — pay attention.

2. Constant Contact (That Felt Like a Requirement)

Multiple texts per hour. Wanting to know where you were and who you were with. It felt like attention, but there was also an implicit expectation that you respond — and discomfort when you didn't.

3. Overwhelming Compliments, Early

"You're the most amazing person I've ever met." Compliments this intense, this early, before anyone actually knows you well — they're not a reflection of who you are. They're a tool for creating attachment.

4. The Relationship Was Suddenly Everything

Within weeks, you went from dating to being their entire world. The intensity felt flattering — until it also felt like there was no space for your own life.

5. They Had a Vision That Didn't Include Your Input

"We'll move in together by summer." These declarations felt romantic, but when you look back: did anyone ask what you wanted? Were you being included in a shared future, or fitted into their predetermined one?

6. Affection Came With Conditions

Over time, the effusive affection was reliable when you complied — and noticeably cooler when you expressed needs, disagreed, or didn't immediately give them what they wanted. Love bombing is a reward; the withdrawal is the punishment.

7. You Felt Chosen in a Way That Required You to Prove It

"My ex never had an issue with this. Most people would be grateful." The subtext: you're special because they picked you, and you should demonstrate that gratitude.

8. "Too Good to Be True" Was Your First Instinct

You told friends it felt amazing but something was slightly off. You dismissed the feeling because the attention felt so good. Trust the original instinct.

9. The Intensity Disappeared After You Were Committed

This is the clearest retrospective signal. If the person who pursued you relentlessly became significantly less attentive after you were clearly committed — moved in, said I love you, introduced to family — the intensity was a means to an end.

10. Making Up After Conflict Involved the Love Bombing Pattern Again

After a fight, the intensity returned: gifts, attention, declarations. This is intermittent reinforcement — the hot/cold cycle that creates addiction-like attachment.

11. Your Needs Got Smaller Over Time

You stopped asking for things. You adjusted yourself to maintain the relationship. The person who originally sold you on how special you were has somehow, gradually, made you smaller.

12. You're Reading This Article

If you're researching love bombing, something in your experience felt like what's described here. That instinct is worth trusting.

Why Love Bombing Creates Such a Strong Bond

Love bombing works because it triggers real neurochemical processes.

Intense early romantic attention causes dopamine and serotonin spikes. Oxytocin — the bonding hormone — is released. Your brain forms a deep attachment based on the experience of that intensity, not on the reality of who the person is.

When the intensity later withdraws, your brain responds to that loss the same way it responds to any dopamine withdrawal: you crave it. You try to get it back. You become focused on what you need to do to restore the original feeling.

This is intermittent reinforcement. The unpredictable positive is more powerful, not less, than a consistent positive.

You're not weak for staying. You were neurologically conditioned to bond.

What to Do With This Realization

If you're reading this about a past relationship: naming it helps. You were not "too intense." You were not "too available." You were pursuing a feeling that was deliberately created and then deliberately withdrawn.

If you're reading this about a current relationship: slow it down. Healthy love can withstand a slower pace. If setting a boundary on the pace creates immediate conflict, withdrawal, or guilt — that tells you something.